Meditations from the heart

When I decided to leave I told everyone in great detail about why I was leaving except the one whom I was leaving. I had no trouble owning leaving but when I decided to change my mind and return I felt embarrassed and ashamed. When I decided to return the first and only person I told was the last person I told I was leaving. And everyone else I was so afraid to say, “I made a big mistake. I kept saying to myself over and over “ it’s OK to change your mind but some how it just wouldn’t stick in my heart. I was just too worried about what everyone thought.

It was awkward with my sister. After all she had gone out of her way to provide a place for me to stay. I just didn’t know what to say. Which is often the way for me. One day we were walking to the store and she said, “ Its OK if you changed your mind you just need to own it.” That hit me straight to the heart and it was just what I needed to hear. So often the things that we need to hear are often the most difficult to receive but it does seem to be the way of God. So slowly I began to own up to my decision. Returning would be a battle with my pride and this was just the first step on a path of returning to my heart and to my heart I would return but first I must die.